The Wedding of Yuki and Haru
by Forgotten Memories Of Tomorrow
Summary: My version of Yuki and Haru's wedding. WARNING! Guaranteed laughs and enough yaoi with various pairings and cross-dressing to drown in. With a hint or two of romance. Just for good measure.


**A/N:**MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I've done it again! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. You no sue. (I own the song though! Do not steal!!!)

WARNING! MAJOR **MAJOR **YAOI! ALSO, TONS OF CROSS-DRESSING! DON'T LIKE. DON'T READ.

**The Wedding of Yuki and Haru**

**By: FMOT**

It was the perfect day for a wedding. The sky was blue and the sun warm. A pleasant breeze danced through the air, teasing Haru's white bangs as he stood at the makeshift alter, ( made of popsicle sticks and glue, a genuine Momiji original,) trembling slightly but not of nerves. More of a case of impaitence, wanting to move through this quickly to get to the wedding night. Wink wink.

When Haru and Yuki announced it at the New Year's Banquet, the others, assuming it was a joke, starting laughing. (Safe for Hatori and Momiji who were absent and had not been seen for the entire banquet. Wink wink.) Kisa fell on the ground and began laughing so hard that her eyes watered. Wanting to get the tiger's attention, Hiro proceeding to copy her every move receiving a few my-your-a-little-OC stares from the other members of the Zodiac. Kagura, laughed lightly, relieved that Yuki was with Haru for it had been rumored that Yuki was spending his nights on the roof, which only meant one thing. Rin laughed merrily but began choking on her sake after recieving a heavy slap on the back from the monkey. Ritsu, horrified, began spouting out apologies left and right and offered to perform CPR. Shigure laughed so hard that he got a nosebleed and was lend away by Ayame, (not to be seen for several hours later. Wink wink.) Even Akito chuckled a little. (Kyo's response would have been that of violence fueled from shock, disgust, and a little anger, but the cat of course wasn't present. Oh, and as for the cock, since he is but a mystery and labeled a myth, shall be mentioned briefly....if at all.)

Determined to be taken seriously, Haru grabbed Yuki. Much to Yuki's horror, Haru kissed Yuki passionately, tongue NOT absent. This caused an uproar. Akito shrieked and ran head first at Haru who dared to kiss HIS Yuki. Unfortunately for Akito, he slipped on a puddle of sake that had fallen from Rin's glass and screaming like a banshee, crashed into the wall. Now, for the remaining people, Hiro, Kisa, Rin, Kagura, and Ritsu, their responses were various degrees of surprise, a few shocks and horrors, and some relief mixed in there as well. You figure out which emotion came from who.

Now, after a few moments of that heavy silence that pisses off everyone and causes extreme discomfort, the little tiger spoke up. "There's going to be cake right?" Ah, the innocence of youth, the time when life revolves around fantasies and fairy tales, where young boys and girls spend time together playing, not having sex, (minus Ayame), and where little boys lifted up girls' skirts not out of perversion but out of pure spite, (minus Shigure.) Heh heh heh. heh...heh...

Ahem...back on the subject...Kisa's sweet innocence and lack of judgment and prejudice, reminded everyone that love was love, no matter if it was girl-boy, girl-girl, or boy-boy. Because if you remove the breasts, man nipples, vaginas, and penises there was the same thing...a human being..and uh...well THERE was a point and a nice sappy little moral but uh..I forgot..sweatdrop..er..urm....moving on.

Anyways, everyone excepted Yuki and Haru's love, (except for Akito who was bound, gagged, and locked away while Kuroune, I think?, watched over him), and the wedding was planned, arranged, and now it was time. Haru stood at the alter, next to the groom's men..er..whatever, (Uo, Rin, and Hana), waiting ever-so-impatiently and then...the music started.

_The groom stood waiting at the alter,_

_waiting for his bride, mood helter skelter._

Mine sang at the top of her lungs, such a beautiful melody, Adam Sandler would have been quite jealous.

_The music started and the maids came,_

_dressed so prettily, three men, and no dame._

The three bride's maids slowly walked down the aisle, dressed in lovely blue dresses with sexy silts from the thighs up to the hips and a low V-neck that ended right under the breast, barely covering the nipples. Ayame lead the way, proud, sexy and vain, while Momiji picked up the rear, cute, sweet, and very becoming. BUT! It was the middle one that drew the most attention.

Who could it be?

_Men in dresses and women in pants,_

_Old dear Abby must be having a rant._

None other than....Kyo

_But at this wedding, no prejudice here,_

_we took Kyo home, got him drunk there._

Flushed in the face and beaming like a fool, Kyo SKIPPED down the aisle, bouquet swinging back and forth at his side. While the guests' eyes bulged out of their sockets, Kyo proceeded to grab a blushing Tohru, and while humming along with Mine, twirled her around and around. It took both Momiji and Ayame to restrain him. Next came the pretty flower girl...er..boy, Ritsu, dressed in as pink dress with flowers in his hair, stopping every foot or so to place a single petal on the ground. Kagura, dressed smartly in a tux, carried the rings on a satin pillow, the color of sex. YOU figure out what color THAT is.

_Now here the bride comes, dressed up like a doll,_

_beautiful dress and stunning hair, prettier than all._

Haru's breath literally caught in his throat, as he turned his head to see his bride, being led by Shigure. Yuki was stunning in a baby blue, (only VIRGINS wear white!), dress, complete with ruffles and truffles and wuffles. (Made by Ayame of course, darling! Muwa!) His face was covered by a matching veil, and a lacey train carried by Hiro and Kisa. One wore a purple dress while the other, a black tux. YOU guess who was wearing what!

_Remove the veil to reveal a surprise,_

_sorry guys and girls, it's a won prize._

When Yuki stepped up to Haru, Haru slowly lifted up the veil, revealing his gorgeous bitch..ahem..bride. Love shone in both pairs of eyes. Clearly this was meant to be. The priest..er..sermon..uh..dude..Hatori, (MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!), stood before the couple and began the blessed ceremony.

_Let's press fast-forward to skip this shit,_

_oh so boring, makes me hack and spit._

**FAST-FORWARD**

cue tape FFing sounds

"I do," breathed Haru and Yuki, together, as though as one. (They'd soon be one, as soon as this stupid wedding was over. Wink wink.)

"I now pronounce you, ox and rat." said Hatori dreamily, thinking of the snake and the dog in very NON-perverted ways. Uh-huh. Keeping thinking that dragon. (DENIAL!!!!!) "You may now...kiss each other like the rabied rabbits you are!"

_Hurry up and kiss the bride,_

_I don't want to miss my ride._

Smiling wickedly at each other, the two shared a quick tongue dance before Haru grabbed Yuki, threw the gigglingly horny rat over his shoulder, and proceed to make a mad dash for the nearest empty bedroom.

"HARU! YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!!" squealed Yuki, excitingly impatient, (and horny.)

"Uh...yeah...heh..heh." said Haru lamely, slightly embarrassed, (and horny.) He then bolted down the aisle and with directional guidance from Yuki, made it to the nearest bed.

_Now is the time for passionate sex I bet,_

_if you listen, you can hear them sweat._

The others, sat in the makeshift OUTDOOR chapel, stood stunned, safe for the dog, dragon, and snake who had sneaked, (is that proper english grammar? Oh who bloody well cares!), away into the forest. Kyo started off on some drunken Irish song. "I'r beh a druk'n man....AR! AR! AR! I'r beh a druk'n man!" Er....something like that...

"AHHH!!!!!!" screamed Akito, suddenly appearing from out of no where. "WHERE'S MY YUKI?!" Where was the rooster you might ask? I dunno...but I bet he's resting...in pieces. Akito turned to the still singing Mine. "YOU KNOW DON'T YOU?!

_I know nothing, I'm a wedding singer,_

_go hump a log, you big stupid beaver._

Akito let out a war cry before tackling, the STILL singing Mine. She twirled out of his grasp and ran away into the forest....STILL singing.

_You can't catch me, I'm too swift,_

_grow up and stop this endless fit._

Akito chased after her. You could still here Mine's beautiful voice, as the wind carried her sweet tune back to the others. Abruptly it stopped Mine's shriek shook the trees. "AYAME?!"

Then the sick badger's voice sounded. "HATORI!?!? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!"

"What about me?!?! I'm having sex too!" Shigure's voice cried out lamely.

"I EXPECT THIS STUFF FROM YOU!!!" Akito shrieked.

_So they are having some sex, who cares?_

_Let's leave them alone, they're fine there._

Mine appeared a few minutes later, dragging an unconscious Akito. She dropped him by the alter, and took up her previous position before she was SO rudely interrupted. Continuing the story.

Kisa silently steamed, until she couldn't take it anymore. "HEY!" she yelled, causing all eyes that had previously been on the Akito or the forest, turned to the tiger.

"What is it?" asked Tohru gently.

"WHERE'S THE CAKE?"

_Now we must sadly take our leave,_

_before you go, please pay my fee._

**owari**


End file.
